Ways To Improve Parent And Teen Communication - Good Life Family Magazine

Methods To Enhance Mum or dad And Teen Communication – Good Life Household Journal

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By Cheryl Maguire

“Mother please cease interrogating me.”

My daughter says this to me extra typically than I care to confess. I ask a variety of questions as a result of she doesn’t give me a lot data. So I’m left questioning, how may I alter?

As a mom of dual 15-year-olds, I typically wrestle to search out methods to successfully talk with them. 

A latest analysis research accomplished at CHOP explored methods for fogeys to enhance communication with their teenagers. Dr. Victoria Miller, psychologist, and creator of the research defined a few of the prompts used within the research that helped mother and father and their teenagers promote reciprocal communication as a substitute of a technique. She additionally mentioned frequent errors mother and father of teenagers make when attempting to speak to them.

Frequent Parenting Communication Errors

Focusing solely on issues

“One of many greatest errors mother and father make is that they have a tendency to focus solely on issues like when our teenagers make a mistake or don’t dwell as much as our expectations fairly than additionally speaking with them about their teenagers’ strengths and what’s going effectively. We will generally overlook to do this within the busyness of day by day life,” says Dr. Miller. 

Asking too many questions or Providing Unsolicited Recommendation

Dr. Miller explains that one other mistake mother and father make is giving recommendation and lecturing which may backfire and trigger teenagers to close down particularly after they didn’t ask for recommendation. It might train them that they’ll’t deal with issues on their very own which may get in the way in which of their confidence. It’s higher to attend till they ask for recommendation. 

Teenagers can really feel that folks are too controlling after they ask too many questions.

They will additionally really feel as if they’re being interrogated as a substitute of getting a dialog inflicting them to close down.

Letting feelings get uncontrolled

Dr. Miller says that when your teen comes to speak to you about an issue, it may be troublesome to cover your feelings. She suggests attempting to not get indignant or upset however as a substitute concentrate on the truth that they have been prepared to speak with you. It will assist to maintain these strains of communication open by listening and providing steerage when requested. 

Flip off “the mother or father alarm” 

Mother and father might react emotionally when their teen tells them one thing upsetting. 

“When your teen involves you saying one thing like, ‘Tom requested me out,’ a mother or father’s first response is likely to be, ‘My daughter’s too younger so far’ however as a substitute, attempt to use this chance to navigate conversations about the right way to have a wholesome relationship,” says Dr. Miller. 

Don’t over-empathize

Dr. Miller says it could appear counter-intuitive to not over-empathize along with your teen. However it may possibly backfire. She gives the instance that in case your baby involves you and says they bought in a battle with their greatest buddy, you would possibly need to soar to the rescue and say “Good riddance! I didn’t like them anyway, you’re higher off with out them.” But when they make up the following day, your baby could also be too embarrassed to return to you and say they resolved their variations.

Methods to Enhance Communication

Based on Dr. Miller, one purpose mother and father make these errors is as a result of there’s a variety of unfavourable portrayals of teenagers within the media and in our tradition. 

“You get the attention roll ‘oh effectively she’s a teen.’ Which may trigger mother and father to essentially fear concerning the teenage years and concentrate on the issues as a result of they fear about their teenagers they usually need them to do effectively and succeed,” says Dr. Miller.

It is very important keep in mind that it’s regular for fogeys to have some challenges speaking with their teen.

Concentrate on how teenagers years are an thrilling time

Most teenagers are well-adjusted, they usually have good relationships with their households, friends, they usually contribute to their communities. 

“I feel shifting the concentrate on how effectively adjusted most teenagers are and remembering that adolescents is a optimistic time in improvement and really thrilling is an effective factor that may assist to enhance communication along with your teen,” says Dr. Miller.

Concentrate on Strengths

“It is very important discover and speak along with your teen about his or her strengths” says Dr. Miller.

She explains that strengths don’t imply what they’re good at or what they’ve achieved however fairly the qualities about your teen that may contribute to turning into a wholesome productive grownup. For instance, in case your daughter is a star soccer participant take into consideration what it’s that makes her good at it like her work ethic or being a very good crew participant.

“It feels good to note what goes effectively for our youngsters as a substitute of worrying about that take a look at that didn’t go effectively or that she is upset with one thing with a buddy,” says Dr. Miller.

Permit for Independence

Dr. Miller explains that in adolescence teenagers are attempting to separate themselves from their mother and father so they may do these issues like stroll away when you find yourself attempting to have a dialog or hold 10 ft behind you on the mall or concentrate on their telephone when you find yourself attempting to have a dialog. 

“This is often because teenagers have to see themselves as totally different and separate from their mother and father to be able to determine who they’re and to turn out to be extra impartial. This may make mother and father really feel like they don’t matter however that couldn’t be farther from the reality,” she says.

Use Dialog Prompts

In Dr. Miller’s analysis research, she used dialog prompts to assist the mother or father and teenage facilitate conversations that centered on strengths. The mother or father/teen pair have been instructed to take 10 minutes collectively and have a look at examples of strengths after which come again collectively and speak about it.

Dr. Miller explains that prompts included issues like:

Why did you select these strengths for you and the opposite individual? 

Give examples of the way the opposite individual demonstrates these strengths you select. 

Did the opposite individual select strengths that you just didn’t count on? 

“They each gave strengths for one another which was the reciprocal facet of the intervention that was actually fascinating and distinctive” says Dr. Miller.

She explains that by shifting to the optimistic it may possibly assist mother and father and youngsters really feel higher. It doesn’t imply your teen doesn’t have weaknesses, however the hot button is to assist your teen and use their strengths to handle these limitations. 

She additionally stresses that you will need to shift your considering of energy from achievement and what you’re good at to who you’re as an individual.

Concerning the Writer:

Cheryl Maguire holds a Grasp of Counseling Psychology diploma. Her writing has been revealed in The New York Instances, Nationwide Geographic, Washington Publish, Mother and father Journal, AARP, Healthline, Your Teen Journal, Good Life Household, and lots of different publications. 


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